


Retail

by AdotHann



Series: The Action in the Street [12]
Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Pet Shop, Alternate Universe - Retail, Alternate Universe - Superheroes/Superpowers, Dr Horrible's Sing-Along Blog - Freeform, F/M, Gen, Giant Spiders, Group chat, M/M, Sick Fic, copious use of twitter interludes, gotta love me some spider thomas, laf fights everyone, lousy attempt at a, spider thomas, thomas tries retail
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-26
Updated: 2018-01-26
Packaged: 2019-03-09 20:10:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,959
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13488867
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AdotHann/pseuds/AdotHann
Summary: People spend too much time texting, Jemmy gets ill, Alex despises the great-out-doors, Aaron Burr nearly gets his shit together, and Thomas Jefferson tries out working in retail. All in all its a pretty regular week.-(feat. me showing up with a new fic after like 6 months of nothing. What did I miss?)





	Retail

**Author's Note:**

> Hey darlings, I'm back! I don't know if this is going to be a regular thing but I had some free time and I wanted to celebrate getting Hamilton tickets, so I'm here! Enjoy!

_Chat: S.O.C (Save Our City)_

_A.Ham_ : honestly what kind of law firm has residential retreats anyway

 _MsTheo_ : the kind that we work at? 

 _A.Ham_ : but fucking camping though

 _Pinky_ : it’s the middle of the night?? 

 _MsTheo_ : we were all awake anyway

 _Pinky_ : did I miss something?

 _MsTheo_ : giant spider climbing the Empire State Building

 _MsTheo_ : guess who

 _Pinky_ : wtf

 _MsTheo_ : dw it’s been dealt with

 _A.Ham:_ Camping!!!!

 _TheBrain_ : it’s not actually that unusual. Builds character, and leadership skills. 

 _A.Ham_ : yes but that’s usually stuff like water skiing in Germany 

 _A.Ham_ : we’re going CAMPING

 _A.Ham_ : C A M P I N G

 _A.Ham_ : IN THE WILDERNESS

 _A.Ham_ : THERE’LL BE MOUNTAIN LIONS

 _A.Ham_ : AND MOSQUITOS 

 _A.Ham_ : AND BURR

 _TheBrain_ : which reminds me, Theo and Alex are away so everyone else is doing extra shifts this weekend 

 _Pinky_ : nooooo

 _BestOfWomen_ : hey guys

 _A.Ham_ : Betsy!

 _Pinky_ : hey Lizzie

 _Pinky_ : I keep forgetting that you’re actually in this chat

 _BestOfWomen_ : do you need me to step in?

 _Pinky_ : wait what 

 _TheBrain_ : no, I think we can handle it. Can you on standby to patch people up after?

 _BestOfWomen_ : sure, but I’d rather help prevent you guys from getting hurt in the first place?

 _TheBrain_ : and if you get hurt? Who’s going to patch you up?

 _BestOfWomen_ : I just feel like I’m not doing enough. 

 _A.Ham_ : Betsy :(

 _MsTheo_ : you’re not obliged to put on a costume just because we do, Eliza. You do a world of good already.

 _Pinky_ : you’re being absurd, none of us would be able to do this without you 

 _TheBrain_ : if you really want to get back in the field we won’t stop you, but think this through first

 _TheBrian_ : you’ve been out of the field for a while now and your powers aren’t offensive in nature, you need training 

 _BestOfWomen_ : how are Saturdays after 8? The gym has a empty slot there, I bet I can get it cheap if I promise to clean up after 

 _MsTheo_ : you had perfectly good reasons for getting out of the field the first time, Eliza. You already do so much, have no obligation to do this if you don’t want to.

 _BestOfWomen_ : I kind of do though 

 _BestOfWomen_ : I’ve actually been thinking about this for a while now

 _BestOfWomen_ : I have the ability and opportunity to help people here

 _A.Ham_ : If you can help someone, you should?

 _BestOfWomen_ : precisely.

 _Pinky_ : there are other ways of helping people Lizzie, you don’t have to dress up in spandex and fight weirdos who also dress in spandex

 _BestOfWomen_ : what if I want to though 

 _BestOfWomen_ : I’d rather be decisive than passive. It’s time to drop the niceties. 

 _BestOfWomen_ : besides, I kind of want to punch the Manipulator again

 _A.Ham_ : I love you? 

 _TheBrain_ : be quiet Alex

 _A.Ham_ : :(

 _TheBrian_ : If that’s what you want, Eliza, we’ll support you, but you may as well take another week to think about it. Just to be sure. We’ll all be busy covering for Alex and Theo.

 _MsTheo_ : seems like a decent compromise 

 _Pinky_ : halfway happy

 _BestOfWomen_ : alright, I’ll give it a week

 _TheBrain_ : <3

 

* * *

 

John Laurens _@SuperWatch_  
#MsMiracle, #Illusionist and #Athena have successfully thwarted #Manipulator’s shitty movie reference.  
|  
John Laurens _@SuperWatch_  
You can all sleep easy now. 

Maria _@MarieLew_  
@SuperWatch you know you can use 280 char tweets now. You don’t need to split them like that now.  
|  
John Laurens _@SuperWatch_  
@MarieLew well yh, but some of us have standards  

 

* * *

 

There was a loud and miserable noise, like a bugle crosses with a banshee.

“Bless you!” Thomas said cheerily. James glared at him.

Jemmy was ill. Apparently this wasn’t a problem, because he got ill a lot. He was used to it, and it would be fine for him to go into work today. Thomas had nodded and smiled as James had told him this, and carefully led him back to bed and tucking him in. 

“I have work today.” James protested weakly.

“Take the day off.” Thomas said.

“They won’t be able to find anyone to cover for me so last moment.” James said, then looked a little pained. “I’ve already taken most of my sick leave anyway.”

“Let me take care of that.” Thomas assured him. 

“Kind of you,” James sniffled, then frowned. “Take care of it _how_?”

Thomas paused, imagining the pet shop fill with high-end hitmen but - no, that wouldn’t work, Jemmy actually enjoyed his job and wanted to keep it. He imagined himself throwing money at the pet shop and hoping the problem would go away - he could have their gerbils eating gold-leaf-mix, for fucks sake. He imagined the troubled expression that flickered over Jemmy’s face whenever he spent a reasonable - for a given definition of reasonable - amount of money on him.

“I’ll take your shifts,” Thomas said easily. “It’s just animals, they can’t be too much work.”

“And customers,” James added, “you have to be, you know, polite to them.”

“Are humans not animals?” Thomas countered, his gaze a little unnervingly intense. James just rolled his eyes.

“Adams is merciless, and fonder of his animals than you are of your spiders.” James said, “He’ll never let you near them without a month worth of training days.”

“Stop worrying,” Thomas said, still grinning with a lack of concern that James could barely comprehend. “I’ll just tell them I’m you.”

“What?”

And, before James could point out any of the thousands of things wrong with that plan, Thomas pulled on his expensive coat and slipped through the door. 

 

* * *

 

Aaron stepped into Coin Wash, laundry bags in hand, just the same as he did every week, and was hit with the sudden inexplicable desire to turn himself invisible. He looked around, half hoping that he had developed a 6th sense for when Alexander was around, so he could avoid getting sucked into conversations.

Instead he saw Theodosia, perched on top of one of the washing machines in her PJs, looking as radiant as ever. And she saw him as well, before he had the mind to duck out of the doorway and turn invisible. 

Well. Shit. 

She smiled and waved him over. With something between terror and hope he noticed that the machine next to hers was empty.

“Hi, Theo.” He said, an apparently effortless smile sliding onto his face. “What are you doing here?”

“Laundry.”

“Ah.” Aaron said, and Theo cringed.

“Sorry, I don’t mean to be rude. I’m really fucking tired. I was up all last night dealing with the Marq- um, a difficult client. I’ve not even had coffee yet.”

“Why are you doing laundry at 5am?” Aaron said, and realised that he’d just missed the perfect opportunity to ask her to go for coffee with him.

“I didn’t want to come back from this camping trip to a dirty apartment.” She said, ducking her head. “I’ve got a feeling that after a long weekend in the wilderness, with Alexander Hamilton, I’m just going to want to come home to something orderly and clean and boring.”

“I’m pretty familiar with that feeling.” Aaron chuckled, extracting one of Theo’s beautiful Cheshire Cat grins. 

“Hey, could you do me a favour and just watch my machine while I go get coffee?” She asked.

“Of course!” Aaron said, hit by a sudden burst of bravery, “Anything for a fellow, uh -“ He failed, “-laundry, uh, person.” 

“Aaron,” Theo said, a tentative smile on her face, “we’ve worked together for years.”  

Aaron cringed, but Theo wasn’t watching him. She was glancing between the coffee shop across the street and her own feet.

“Hey,” She said, “maybe we should just go get coffee toge- “

Her phone pinged.

_“I NEED A HERO!”_

Aaron blinked.

“Oh, shit -“ Theo said, and began to empty her bag onto the floor, searching for it.

_“I’M HOLDING OUT FOR A HERO ‘TIL THE END OF THE NIGHT!”_

“That’s my phone,” she turned to Aaron with an apologetic expression, “I need to go -“ 

Aaron smiled, and meant to say something reasonable like, _“that’s fine, I’ll see you around,”_ or, _“we should go get coffee when the Hadfield case wraps up.”_ Instead, what came out was: “Is that the Shrek cast recording?” 

At thi _s,_ Theo looked even more pained. “I didn’t pick the ring tone.”

And with that, phone in hand, she wrenched open the dryer, pulled out something that might have been made of damp lycra, and dashed for the door. 

“I guess I’ll see you around - or something” Aaron said lamely, watching her vanish. 

Moments later, when Ms. Miracle stood defiantly in the middle of the street, facing down the Marquis, Aaron didn’t even turn around.

 

* * *

 

 _Chat: Evil League Of Evil_  

 _ThomasThomas_ : A-A-Ron can you think a little quieter 

 _Ghostie_ : wtf

 _ThomasThomas_ : I can feel you moping from across the city

 _YankeeCandle_ : you can read minds from across town??

 _ThomasThomas_ : normally no, I can’t, but this emo fucker is projecting an aura of eternal sadness the size of Brooklyn

 _ThomasThomas_ : seriously dude get over yourself, it’s really putting me off 

 _Ghostie_ : #rude

 _YankeeCandle_ : wait

 _YankeeCandle_ : @ThomasThomas

 _YankeeCandle_ : putting you off what?

 _Ghostie_ : I already regret you asking that

 _ThomasThomas_ : customer service  

 _Ghostie_ : what 

YankeeCandle: ??? 

 _ThomasThomas_ : plus you’re upsetting the animals

 _Ghostie_ : wtf 

 

* * *

 

“Jemmy,” Dolly said, squinting at the man who’d introduced himself as James Madison that morning, “You look... taller, today.”

“I’ve been going to the gym.” Thomas said, as if that explained everything. Dolly nodded with an equally sage expression. There was something odd about Jemmy’s smile today, she thought. It had a weird way of setting her at ease, despite the bullshit he was spouting. 

Maybe it wasn’t just his smile that was odd? 

“So,” Thomas said, still smiling, “what needs doing around here? And do you have any painkillers?”

“Any what?”

 

* * *

 

 _Chat: SOC (Save Our City_ )

 _A.Ham:_ so about the camping

 _Pinky_ : oh my god

 _Pinky_ : enough about camping, please

 _TheBrain_ : aren’t you supposed to be working

 _MsTheo_ : or helping me fight the Marquis? 

 _TheBrain_ : I’m omw

 _A.Ham_ : if you have time to respond to my texts during a fight then you’re probably alright?

 _Pinky_ : yeah, why do you have time to do that?

 _MsTheo_ : because the Marquis stopped to check their own phone???

 _A.Ham_ : do you think they have a chat like this

 _A.Ham_ : the super villains, I mean

 _Pinky_ : Alex, no one has a chat like this 

 _Pinky_ : no one’s lives are as ridiculous as ours 

 

* * *

 

 _Chat: Evil League Of Evil_  

 _ThomasThomas_ : hey @YankeeCandle

 _ThomasThomas_ : can you break into my boyfriend’s flat and feed him? He’s ill and awful at taking care of himself, and I’m dealing with his work for today so he can rest 

 _YankeeCandle_ : won’t that be kind of weird?? 

 _YankeeCandle_ : I mean, he literally doesn’t know me at all

 _ThomasThomas_ : it’s fine

 _ThomasThomas_ : I’ll pm you the address 

 _ThomasThomas_ : and go pick up some Thai Chicken soup from Waitrose on your way, it’s his favourite 

 

* * *

 

“Madison, has that delivery of small birds come throu- who the hell are you?”

“I am James Madison,” Thomas said, still smiling cheerily.

“You’re -“ the world felt strangely fuzzy, or maybe fizzy, and the stranger in front of him suddenly didn’t look strange at all.

“James. Madison.”

“You’re.. James Madison.” Adams repeated, sounding a little dazed but not really sure why. It was just James. There wasn’t anything to worry about.

“Perfect!” Thomas said, his 100 watt smile intensifying further. It looked like the kind of thing that police men shove into suspects faces during interrogations. “Now, what was it you wanted, Mr Adams?”

“I... I don’t...” Adams faltered.

“A delivery of small birds...?” 

“Oh, yes, of course.” Adams said, still blinking under Thomas’s blinding gaze. “Small birds.” 

 

* * *

 

John Laurens _@SuperWatch_  
#Marquis has been dealt with - but not without a hell of a lot of property damage  
|  
John Laurens _@Superwatch_  
For your safety officials suggest you try to steer clear of the immediate area around @RupertCoinWash, though Rupert maintains that he is open for business  
|  
John Laurens _@SuperWatch_  
Thanks to #MsMiracle and #Athena for saving the day, and to all of you for sending in updates!

 

* * *

 

 _Chat: Evil League Of Evil_  

 _LaBaguette:_ hello my friends

 _LaBaguette:_ what did I miss?

 _ThomasThomas:_ You can’t just use my catchphrase like that????

 _Ghostie:_ I will fuck you up

 _LaBaguette_ : you’ll what?

 _ThomasThomas:_ I doubt that

 _YankeeCandle_ : what is happening

 _Ghostie_ : she was close to asking me out

 _LaBaguette_ : what

 _Ghostie_ : then you had to go and try to freeze mid town you fucker

 _LaBaguette_ : what

 _LaBaguette:_ oh

 _LaBaguette:_ mon dieu

 _LaBaguette:_ you and ms miracle finally got your shit together??!

 _ThomasThomas:_ NOPE

 _YankeeCandle:_ they were so close 

 _YankeeCandle:_ then you like super cockblocked him 

 _ThomasThomas:_ AND NOW I HAVE A HEADACHE 

 _ThomasThomas:_ BECAUSE AARON HAS BEEN MOPING

 _ThomasThomas:_ ALL DAY

 _Ghostie:_ can you blame me

 _ThomasThomas:_ YES

 _ThomasThomas:_ I CAN

 _YankeeCandle:_ Fair

 _LaBaguette:_ lol

 _ThomasThomas:_ THIS ISNT FUNNY 

 _ThomasThomas:_ I AM SUFFERING

 _ThomasThomas:_ and we came so close to never having to see Aaron mope about ms miracle again 

 _LaBaguette:_ we all know they would have been a painfully sappy couple 

 _LaBaguette:_ I acted for the greater good

 _YankeeCandle:_ it was a total fucking coincidence?

 _LaBaguette:_ and yet 

 _Ghostie:_ fucker 

 

* * *

 

“What on earth is she doing?” Thomas said, leaning his head closer to Dolly’s.

“Emptying the overstock bins, I think.”

“She’s been emptying the overstock bins for almost half an hour.” Thomas said, bemused. 

“Asked me if we had any more leads, other than the ones on display,” Dolly explained. “I told her we didn’t.”

“And now she’s looking for the secret, hidden stock we only sell to customers who’re smart enough to find it.” Thomas said, shaking his head. “The things people deluded themselves into - I couldn’t make this up if I tried.”

 

* * *

 

John Laurens _@SuperWatch_  
In a crazy turn of events, #Phantom and #Marquis appear to be fighting each other!  
|  
John Laurens _@SuperWatch_  
And right outside the cafe where I work [video attached]

Maria _@MarieLew  
_ Literally why does this always happen to you @SuperWatch

 

* * *

 

“Hi,” said the customer, “can you recommend a dog treat?” 

“Sure!” Thomas said brightly, with the smile of someone who hasn’t yet been worn down by retail work. “These are pretty good. I use - I’m told the Manipulator used them to tempt a whole pack of wolves into the Natural History Museum - the taxidermy animal section - once.” 

“Oh.” Said the woman, staring blankly at the packet. “Well, have you tasted them?”

“What?”

“Are you sure they’re good? Have you tasted them?” She asked without a hint of humour.

To be sure, because he simply couldn’t pass up the opportunity, Thomas reached out gently, with one mental hand, and brushed his fingers against the woman’s mind. She really was deadly serious. Then, because this couldn’t get any weirder than it already was, he cast a vague suggestion of him placing a dog treat in his mouth, chewing it, swallowing it, all while staring the lady dead in the eyes. 

“Delicious.” He said.

The lady smiled, clearly satisfied, and bought a pallet load of the treats. Thomas marvelled at the flimsiness of the illusion; the woman had been fully prepared to believe - no, more than that, expecting him to eat the dog treats. 

With a sudden and unusual flash of self awareness, Thomas wondered if this was how Jemmy had felt when he’d bought the tarantulas. 

 

* * *

 

“Hi!” Thomas said brightly,  “Do you guys need any help?”

“Oh, no, we’re oka–“ 

“ _Good_.” Thomas said, his smile unwavering but his gaze was a tad too intense.

 

* * *

 

John Laurens _@SuperWatch_  
#Marquis appears to be winning  
|  
John Laurens _@SuperWatch_  
I still have no fucking clue what’s going on 

 

* * *

 

_Chat: Evil League Of Evil_

_YankeeCandle:_ Thai red chicken soup or Thai green?

 _ThomasThomas:_ Thai green

 _YankeeCandle:_ kk

 _LaBaguette:_ You’re actually doing this aren’t you

 _ThomasThomas:_ don’t put him off

 _ThomasThomas:_ aren’t you supposed to be fighting a a ron anyway?

 _LaBaguette:_ oui 

 

* * *

 

“These are surprisingly good.” Thomas said.

“You’re eating dog treats.” Dolly stated.

“Packet says they’re human grade.” Thomas grinned. “Couldn’t be fancier if they had gold leaf in.”

“I thought you were pescatarian?” Dolly said, blinking.

“Packet says they’re meat free.” Thomas replied, mentally suggesting some adjustments to the nutritional information. 

“No it doesn’t- wait, what?” 

 

* * *

 

John Laurens _@SuperWatch_  
I think this is the point where I just give up trying to understand and describe events instead  
|  
John Laurens _@SuperWatch_  
#Marquis was winning, then they stopped mid fight to check their phone  
|  
John Laurens _@SuperWatch_  
While they were distracted, #Phantom fucking knocked them out cold  
|  
John Laurens _@SuperWatch_  
Now #Phantom is just walking away into the sunset

Maria _@MarieLew  
_ I’ve never seen something so majestic #VillainTakeDown

 

* * *

 

“Who the fuck are you, and why do you have a key to my apartment?” James asked without any real conviction. He was too sick for this bullshit. If he was going to get burgled, so be it. 

“Wait, what?” Said the burglar, sounding even more confused than James felt. Mentally, he ducked the threat level down to ‘probably a misunderstanding, and definitely Thomas’s fault.’ The burglar, James noticed, was carrying a large tub of chicken soup. 

“Thomas didn’t say anything?” He asked, and James looked blank. “Ah.”

Ah, indeed. 

“I’m John Church,” John Church said, offering a hand and letting the chicken soup container slosh precariously. “I’m Thomas’s, um, friend? He asked me to come check on you, said you were ill but he has work today.”

“Ah.” James said.

“Actually, I had no idea Thomas worked. At all. I thought he was just, you know, rich.” 

“As far as I know, he doesn’t work.” James said grimly. “Is that Thai chicken soup?” 

“Yeah!” John Church said, brightening up, “Where do you keep your bowls?”

**Author's Note:**

> Turns out that Thomas Thomas working in retail is my one true love. I might give this installation of this au another part, just because I have so many passages written of him fucking with customers, (hence the possible part one of two.) I'll let you decide whether or not he actually ate those dog treats.
> 
> My writing skills are rather rusty, so bear with. Comments will be rewarded with heart emojis, and if anyone can remember who knows who's identity in this fic and whether or not I ever confirmed Peggy's powers then please let me know, its been too long and I can barely remember <3


End file.
